I Have Commitment Issues, I Don't Want To Commit Vol. I

This is my first official blog post, and I think it's important to get a feel for who I am and how I have arrived at this point in my life. I have a very easy going personality. I get along with most, love many, and seem to find a new crush as often as I change clothes. However, since I have this kind of personality, I rarely get upset by or attached to any one crush. This makes for an interesting weekend, but it never makes for an interesting month. So I am going to share some of my "crush" stories and this will prove how I have gotten to the "I have commitment issues, I don't want to commit" point in my life.

I met this guy about a year ago. He is one of thoes good on paper, fun to drink with, always makes you laugh kind of guys. And he's not bad looking either. This sounds like the perfect guy. We saw each other off and on for about a week, and it was great. No pressure, no stress, I was totally myself. Then....it happened. He said the only words that truly make me nervous, the kind of nervous where my stomach hurts a little and I just want to lay on the couch alone and watch something on tv that will take my mind off of the words. He said, "I really like you, love spending time with you, this is going to be a great thing". Well, at this point I knew my good on paper, fun to drink with, always make me laugh, and good looking guy was now going to just be a friend...but still with all of the above qualities. Why would any normal 20 something girl all of a sudden change her mind about this guy you ask? Because I don't want to commit. I want what I want, when I want it. That could be the most terrible thing about me. But we will talk about that later.

Anyway, over the course of the next year my good on paper, etc. guy and I remained friends. We would e-mail occasionally, joke and laugh when we ran into each other at a bar, and always have great casual conversation with no pressure. And then it happened...again. A couple of weeks ago we decided to go out (as friends--or so I thought) and get "crazy" on a Friday night. He avoided my favorite bar like the plague that night. I couldn't understand why he kept talking me into going to these random, off the beaton path bars on a Friday night. Who in their right mind does these things? Well it didn't take me long to realize that the person who does these things, is a person with a secret. A secret girlfriend that is. When I finally got it out of him that his girlfriend was at my favorite bar listening to the band I had been waiting weeks to see, all I could ask was, "why didn't you just tell me?". I just wanted to be friends anyway. This is the point where it happened again, he told me that if there was any chance we (he and I) would become a couple or he would at least have some kind of shot with me, then he thought it was important to lie to his girlfriend and spend time with me. While this sounds super sweet, and most girls would be so happy about this, it made me very upset. I can't stand someone lying. It's my major pet peeve...just tell the truth! Needless to say at this point I had to tell him...again...that I just thought of him as a friend, a great guy who makes me laugh and is fun to drink with. I also told him that I didn't appreciate that fact that he lied to his girlfriend, and I thought it would be better if I found a ride home, i.e. call a cab.

Why would I want to trust a guy (even if he is good on paper, fun to drink with, makes me laugh and is pretty good looking) if he is just going to lie to me to hang out with some girl that he used to have a thing for? This is just one more reason why committment seems so over rated to me.